You guys! I just realized my husband and I are about to be celebrating our FIVE year anniversary. I feel like I blinked and this happened. Time flies!! Marrying this man at only 22 years old was the best decision of my life! Many of our friends and family are finally getting married and there is just so much love in our lives right now! There is actually a one week period this Fall where we have three weddings back to back. I cannot wait!!! It did get me thinking about what makes a successful marriage and if I had any advice to share. I wrote down as much as I could think of and then I had my husband add his thoughts and opinions (stay tuned for the last one…). It was so fun getting to work on this together and I love that it includes perspectives from both sides of a marriage if you wanted to share it with your significant other. Getting married at such a young age makes me something of an anomaly these days, but I like to think we are beating the odds by following the tips below.
Our Top 10 Tips for Making Your Marriage Last
1. Have a good foundation. Arguments happen and you will always need a place to come back to. It will be even harder to get back to a good place if you never had one to begin with. You can weather the storms better together if you have a solid foundation.
2. Understand how the other person gives and receives love. Quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, gifts.. aka their love language. There are so many different ways and everyone is unique. You may be thinking you are doing something sweet in a certain way but then they receive it differently and the message of love gets lost in translation. It’s really important to understand what the other person needs and cater to it.
3. Communication. Don’t withhold what you need from the other person and don’t be afraid to speak up. The less you speak up the more normal that becomes and the higher chance you will explode later. Express it to your partner, if they don’t know they will keep doing it and not know why you are getting mad. Don’t wait until it’s too late just expecting your partner to correct on their own.
4. Have a “no phone zone”. For example, if you are watching a show together but both of you are on your phones, it isn’t really quality time. I always walk away from this feeling like it didn’t count and we didn’t get that special time. It is even more important as life gets busier with kids. You can set a time in advance so you are both ready, for example 7pm – 9pm is “phone free”.
5. Date each other. Continue to be impressed by each other, flirt, be silly. Go on dates and dress up! Remember, you fell for each other during this phase, exploit it!
6. Have common goals. Where do we see ourselves in five years? What do we want? Having common goals and communicating them allows us to support each other in reaching them. It also eliminates any big surprises down the road. I also think we can include under this tip doing things for the other person or around the house “just because”… and don’t keep score. You’re a team working towards a common goal, make sure you’re both cognizant of it.
7. Fight fair. Everyone fights. Don’t go below the belt with comments and don’t say things you can’t take back. Don’t threaten things. Even though you are having a disagreement, have the goal of coming to an agreement and don’t stop until you do. Say whats bothering you, you can be mad and angry, but understand who you are speaking to and keep that level of respect for each other.
8. Take the time to do “you”. It is crucial that you each have time to do the things you both like to do, independently. Although it may seem like you need to do everything together, having time to exercise, shop or even hang with friends will make the time you spend together that much more meaningful. (You guys, my husband wrote SHOP… does that mean he is endorsing my habit?)
9. Compromise. Dumb little things can easily lead to stupid arguments. Give a little, get a lot.
10. Put each other first. You are not just you anymore. I like to remind my husband often of the saying “happy wife, happy life” (haha kidding…kinda).
Jeff’s Bonus Tip: Go to the bathroom with the door closed. May sound weird, but I heard this from the great Howard Stern. Keep some things sacred to yourself and the bathroom is one of those things… Thanks babe…
Of course everyone is different, but these are 10 things that have really worked for us. I also think these could help all couples whether you are dating, newlyweds or have been married for years! Do you have any tips that have really worked in your marriage? Let me know in the comments so we can all benefit from them!
Have a great week!!
These are all great Kristy! Communication is a huge one for staying happily married – love all of them!